stacieanne
I'm just awesome
No seriously
i'm just a girl who is nice to most and tries to be nice to some. I love the notion of love and being in love.i can be a bitch, a prissy princess, that girl next door but then again, aren't we all bitches once in a while

please come back soon.
i miss you.
i really really really miss you.
i've tahan 12 days already.
that means i have abt 9 more to go.
it may not seem super long.
BUT it is.
i love you sayang.
i want sunday to come quick
cos when it does,
at 12pm that means i have 6 days left to wait!
Anyways i am off to write my essay.
I LOVE YOU

Love,
your baby k

1. Research Paper
2. Accounting report
3. Calculus Homework
4. Study for Accounts
5. WELCOME MY BABY BACK!!! and spend time with him!!!
   
6. study for calculus
   

I miss my boyfriend
i'm taking on his habits.
i wear my watch to sleep now.
i think of him all the time
especially at night

i wish i were in his arms
like the times we have our nappy nappy times
i wish i could hear the sound of him breathing beside me
and i wish i could feel the warmth of his skin

i wish i had him here
i wish he was here
i wish my baby would come back to me.

i have 12 days to go
let my eyes shut and that i see his face at night
let the numbers change from 12 to 11.
I miss him so

I know when i see him on the 21st
i cant help but cry.
for i will finally be back in his arms
and i can smell the smell of his skin
and i can look into his eyes and i can tell him
i love him

You know how people write about the their lives on the blog and it seems so cheerful, glamorous, angsty and well rather privellaged. Peope tend to write about the good things and sometimes bad. well i kinda forgot about this blog and why i even started it out in the first place. I never meant it to be a diary, more like chapters in my life. but i deleted most of them a couple of months back. Maybe i should write about me again and welcome back the long-winded posts that kept going on and on.

It's 5.51am in the morning and by the time i am done, i'd have no more tears left to cry and it might be closed to 7 in the morning. As some of you may know, Aziz is in Taiwan and has been there for a week and honestly the fighting that we do is taking a toll on me. I can only be talked to in that unpleasant manner in small doses and with him, he doesn't really know his limit maybe cos i just bring that out in him. I love him to death and sometimes i can be a pain in the ass too but how much fighting can one take. I kinda know when he reads this we'd get into another fight but i should be entitled to saying how i feel. My friends say i smile more and i look happier when i am around him but u'll never know what it's like to walk in our shoes.

over the past 3 months we've been through challenges over top challenges. Some, the unthinkable kinds that you'd never wish upon anyone even your worse enemy. well it happened to us. We've been through his reluctance to return home because he was standing up for our relationship. I've been through shit cos i've been standing up for him too. It's like when the whole world tries to tear us apart we stay strong together. but soon after we tear ourselves apart and right now, i dont feel like being the person who picks up the pieces to make things work or the person who gets compromised or the person who apologizes first. i'm tired, drained and just practically lost. i love him so much that i really dont know what else to say or do anymore.

I just got off the phone with starhub abt 20 minutes ago screaming at them over the phone because of their

BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE and the inaccuracy of their website with regards to roaming and whatever bullshit that they have. Starhub if you google your shit, you have tonnes of explaining to do to your customers especially me. Thank goodness i'm using M1 and it isn't as messed up as STARHUB. Yes you gave me a patient customer service officer BUT what you did not give me are solutions that made me feel a bit better about the situation. Seriously, people who want good customer service, Starhub is NOT the place to go.

I went to the hospital yesterday morning to get myself checked. I've been through trying times i the past few months that has made me realize a lot of things. One of which is that i can't party all night and sleep all day anymore. I dont see much meaning in that. ESCAPE was why i clubbed, i didnt party for the guys. Honestly the people who go to the clubs are usually pretty fugly. but to feel the alcohol in my veins and the beat of the music resonate my soul. Well back to the hospital, did a paps smear on top of the other tests and i'd know my results in a few weeks or so. now every night i have to take antibiotics that makes me feel like i am some weird ass sick person. which is sad.

life. anyways i gotta go get painkillers now, my left knee hurts like shit.

I FRIGGING HATE YOU

i miss my boyfriend. i cant stop thinking abt him and all i wanna do is to be in his arms again. argh 18 days stacie, u've survived 3 days. u can do this believe in yourself. oh how i miss the smell of his face and seeing us in our matching hollister shirts that he now claims he's unable to wear cos of his expanding biceps. =( bummer but wadever i just miss him.

MySpace-Countdown

i need a lullaby and a bottle of goose

i'm in a state of emptiness. in fact i am lost. I really am lost and i have no clue as to what i should be doing. I am caught in the middle of everything. Stuck right smack in the middle when i don't want to be there at all.

To stand by how i feel or to stand by what everyone wants me to do. I don't want anymore crap on both ends. I am just fed up with everything around me because it hurts. it hurts really bad.I just want to runaway from it all. I did it for almost a year, i can do it yet again but is running the best way out?

i have decisions to make and just my heart to break, be torn up inside, shattered and just waiting to wilt and die. i m just fucking empty

i miss my baby very very much

1. REMOVE THE BATTERY. This is the most important step. Keeping an active electrical current in a wet phone is detrimental to it's survival.

2. Completely dry all parts of the phone. If there is any water still in or on the phone or battery, dry the parts IMMEDIATELY. The quicker you act, the less damage is done to your phone.

3. Apply heat. Many people use hairdryers to rid their phones of moisture. One woman I spoke to even put her phone in the oven (which is a very bad idea, but in her case it worked). Heat will help evaporate any water still inside the phone.

4. Let the phone sit in a dry location. Sometimes aiming a fan at the little guy can help. Leave the phone sitting in a dry spot for 24-48 hours. Pop the battery in, if everything seems to work, congratulations!

i miss my warrior

i made it I finished 16 pages of the calculus homework in less than 1 day. i took 3 hours yesterday and 5 hours today with breaks in between to the that horrible, horrible ordeal with numbers over and done with. i have like 2 qns that i don't know how to get the right answers. the others are perfect. i'm pretty proud of myself. i hate math, i really do. and i still dont get logarithm. i didnt get it in secondary school i doubt i will get it in like a lesson on logarithm took less than 10 mins. go figure. So anyways i realize that i kinda suprise myself. for my past 2 calculus tests i did very well. like i understand more now than i did when i was in secondary school. algebra is foreign to me after 3 yrs in a poly and now it's my "best" friend. Old habits die hard i guess.

I had my LTB (leadership and team building) show and tell. I'm proud of what my group has accomplished but there is quite a bit that we need to grow and improve on.

Accounting sucks cos of my prof who is kinda "blur" there was a group that did a very VERY thorough presentation on one of the cases we had. When i mean thorough i do mean thorough with a 55 min long presentation. Needless to say i was on snooze mode 99% of the time.

I've run out of clothes to wear. nah that is honestly not true. i just dont know what to wear anymore to be honest. I wore a tshirt and a pair of jeans on monday! people who know me should have bought the lottery. stacie in jeans is rare, stacie in jeans and tshirt= winter in singapore. tuesday i wore this tunic top and shorts. today i wore a white top and a pretty skirt. tomorrow = NO CLUE. I honestly would re-use my clothes but then again, it's not very nice. Like i take note of what i have worn in this class or in that class and i try not to wear the same thing for bimbotic reasons. But i guess i need to decide on what to wear for tmr ASAP. wish me luck. =)

when you're away from me,
i feel so empty.
I wanna hear your voice
don't tell me i am crazy.
It's been a couple of hours
but it feels like an eternity.

Take my hand my love,
for I am afraid to fall.
Hear my cries my love,
for I want you to wipe my tears away.

Hold me close throughout the night my love,
for i want the smell of your skin to be on mine.
Kiss me to sleep my love,
for i want to feel your soft lips on mine.

Forgive all my wrongs my love,
for i swear that it will never happen again.
Let me take your hand my love,
for i will never let go of it.

let me be your pillar of strength my love,
for i know that i will be there by your side forever.
Let me watch you sleep my love,
for i will ward off the bad dreams in your head.

I love you my love, more than anything else in the world. nothing is ever going to change that. I'm counting down the hours till i get to see you. Hours that i don't know how many. We've got through 72 hours already, what is a couple more. For i know when i open eyes on Friday morning I'd be waking up to the most beautiful sight ever. I love you

My boyfriend called me today! it was just so shocking to hear his voice after the 2 days of not hearing it. i miss him so much. He's coming home tmr! that is going to be totally awesome

it's the day before we turn 5 months and i have many things running through my mind. Things that used to be foggy have now become clear. Deleting the past and looking forward to tomorrow has become the best thing that has ever happened to me. No more looking back, just looking at today and the days ahead.

I've come to realize that i am a very selfish person, a person who makes tonnes of mistakes, grave mistakes. I’ve also come to realize how much i love you, till the extent that i would be willing to stand in front of you and hold my ground, not wanting to move an inch. It surprised me then and it surprises me when i think about how despite of the words you said that very night over the phone i could tell you honestly that i love you that that i'll never want to see a day without you. I am so thankful for each and every day i have with you because you're just truly amazing and i love you to death for that.

I'm thankful, grateful and am at a loss for words thinking of us planning our future together. How we're already thinking about what's going to happen within the next few years. Thinking of how we're going to be clearing the junk in our respective rooms to make way for each other from now till the day we tie the knot, get our own place and the thought of starting a family is on our minds. I am just baffled at how much i have changed and what i want in my life has changed. My life revolves around you and school like how yours revolves around me and your work. I used to never envision myself as a mother or a wife. But now other than rushing for class and trying to complete my assignments, that is all i think about.

Some people say that wedlock is padlock (taken out of my academic writing class) but to me, if I were to be married to you. My life would just begin; I would finally start living. I know that things will never be easy, we’ll have mountains to overcome but I know we’ll be able to get through it all if we stick by each other and I know we will be able to pull through. You are my every thing and nothing in the world would seem complete if I don’t have you in my life. I'm just head over heels crazy over you. I'm going insane being apart from you, I know that it is just 4 days of outfield but that is 4 days too long.

I remember I used to have that list of qualities that I want my “dream” guy to have when I was like 17 years old. I want a guy who likes sports, a guy who is taller than me, a guy who is either the oldest or the youngest son, a guy who is of a certain weight? Now that list has changed. I want a warrior, a warrior who loves children, whose smile can make my fears melt. A warrior who is sensitive and dares to bear his emotions , I want a warrior who loves me more than anyone else in this world. I want you my love. I only want you. I don’t want any other person to ever try to take your place in my heart. I want to have you and our little Ashley in our lives.

I could have 3 wishes they would be:

1) we strike the lottery so that we can get a move on with our lives together aka get married and pay the down payment of the house
2) have Ashley and company
3) that you and our babies live a happy life, free from woes and pain. I don’t matter anymore, all that matters is the people who mean so much to me are taken care of.

I want to wish you happy anniversary my love. Thank you for sticking by me through all the storms we’ve been through recently. When you read this I guess I’ll be beside you or you’ll be on my bed reading this on the laptop. It’ll be a day late but I want to tell you that I love you with all my heart and we’re in this for a very very very long time. I love you sayang.Thank you for being so perfect.

2 days to go!

i miss you. i really do. why must you be in tekong. =( i can't wait till thursday when u come out at night! i love you baby

i decided to start this blog anew, deleted all the old posts from way back when. just leaving the ones from the month of august onwards. I feel the need to erase those old memories, good or bad. Life goes on, we all move on. i'm blessed with a loving boyfriend, amazing friends and a beautiful future ahead. In other words, life is beautiful. Though times it sucks so bad and it hurts u real deep when your mistakes just haunt u, u find inner strength to hold on to what u love and the dreams.

oh btw i love you my warrior

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. It is when a kiss is not just the touching of lips, but the intertwining of lives; Past, Future and Present.

This is our story, this is our love.

Yes this is THE 10,000 page post for you my dear. well not 10,000 page maybe one post for now (sorry baby 10,000 pages is a bit too long don't you think). I don't really know how to start this post off cos there is just so much to say and i don't know how to lay it out for you. I'll just do my best and hopefully it does how i feel for you justice. I know i should be trying to figure out what my thesis for my assignment is supposed to be but i think i've put this off for too long. So when you read this baby don't get angry ok =)

Let's start from the day i came home.
12 July 2009
Flying home was one of the hardest things for me to do. I was leaving a life that i have known for 4 months. I was going to fly home and not have Daphne to share our instant ramen or PBAJs with. Let's not forget how long the flight was and that i could not sms you, call you, contact you for more than 15 hours which was torture for me. The moment i stepped out of the gate, disappointment set in cos i didn't see you or my mother at all. I had to call to find out where you guys were. My mother said you guys were coming down and i just had to wait there. i did and in a couple of minutes i couldn't help smiling. I saw my precious boyfriend walking down the escalator towards me in his black long-sleeve shirt, rolled up to his elbows, khaki berms carrying his beloved red crumpler bag. 3 months of waiting for that moment had finally arrived. All it took for you to make me love you was that "Hi Stacie, Bye Stacie" and the long conversations we had over the phone. Having you in front of me, having your fingers between mine was a dream come true. I honestly remember tears forming in my eyes when you looked into mine. i just couldn't believe that you are mine and that we made it. As we walked to the car, you were silent cos if you opened your mouth you would stutter and we had to use smses and writing in your notebook to communicate. it might sound stupid but we both knew how overwhelming it was for both of us.

That day was perfect. I got to FINALLY have prata with you where u started talking and we got to put that statement smacked across my ass thanks to my cheeky from VS that says "Best Kisser" to the test. Whether i am or not is for you to decide. After u sent me home, in a few hours there you were smiling at me outside my house. you screamed "Hi Baby!" i couldn't help but feel special cos you make me feel special up till this very day. we took the first photos of the many we have now.

Fast forward to today. getting through the drama of the 15th, meeting your mum, meeting your friends, going to the army museum which was totally awesome, botanic gardens, you meeting my apartment 2112 girls, convocation, outfields, sleepless nights, countless fights that we never remember why it started in the first place. 2 September 2009 It's gonna be 5 months since we got together in less than a week and you'll be in Tekong having your outfield. I know i will be missing you like crazy each and every single day. I cant go to bed without you telling me you love me and i think that that's going to be perfectly fine with me.

As i look through all of our pictures, the 216 of them i find comfort in knowing that i have you in my life. never a day do i not smile when i see you face smiling back at me. Never a day in class is your picture not on my desk reminding me i got to stay awake. when i look through my cellphone i have text messages from way back 21 March is the earliest one that i have of yours and i have never deleted one since then. i'd randomly scroll through them and read them when we fight. When i do that, i find my heart at ease and then the tears will form. i don't want fights that last more than 5 mins cos it sucks fighting with u. Anyways I love you my warrior. i know this isn't long enough for you but i will do my best to pour my heart out in another blog post someday soon.

Stacie is missing her boyfriend even though he is just right beside her. well not for long.. :'(

school is a wonderful thing that is pretty much a nuisance, a waste of time and a perfect way to get your parents off your back to find a job quickly during a time of recession. So i shouldnt be complaining should i?

first day of school has been good thus far with nice classmates and watching pretty angmoh girls float by. some are so skinny their practically supermodels in the making with striking features. the boyfriend sent me to school then we went for a movie afterward which was really sweet of him. ok i gtg. i need to find my class. i have gt no clue where it's supposed to be so wish me lotsa luck. =)

Should you be allowed to date someone that makes you happy?
Well i do believe the answer is yes.

Should you be allowed to date someone who is not like u and he/she makes u happy?
Well i do believe the answer is yes.

Should you be allowed to date someone who is like u and he/she makes u happy?
Well i do believe the answer is yes yet again.

Well let's put it in the REALISTIC Singaporean way.
Should you date someone of a totally different race and religion it doesn't matter whether he or she makes u happy or not. People don't really care or give a shit. They just make comments every now and then. sometimes u just brush it off your shoulder. Sometimes it just piles up and blows up in your face. Well that's what going on right now with me. I m crushing under the nonsense i get and i'm just sad. As i hear his breathing while he sleeps and as i look at his face as he lays in the upper deck of the bunk bed i feel a sense of calm and then the tears just pours out. i honestly don't know what to do.I think partners of the same gender faces the same kinda difficulties that i am going through in this Singaporean society. We're supposed to be a society based on justice and equality. Then aren't all of us eligible to an equal shot at love and shouldn't our happiness be able to justify the realtionship?

I'm in love with Aziz and i fall for him deeper and deeper each day. It gets harder and harder for me to keep my tears from falling as each day passes. i'm lost, confused and just heartbroken. Oh Aziz if u ever read this, please know that i love you and i'm going to be alright eventually...

HAH! me celebrating national day is kinda like a joke after me hating Singapore so much. Well i watched the fireworks already. So i've got the fireworks part covered and i don't have to "celebrate" it with everyone on this specific day the young nation turn 44. Today is the very day my bf and i got together a couple of months back. So that becomes more significant to me. While he's having that 28km Route March with the boys right now i'm gonna go back to sleep and look forward to seeing him later. =)

I want an Enzo Milano curling iron and their flat iron!!!

Yes i am utterly bored. well for now that is a very good thing. I'm just counting down the days till things get crazy cos of school. when i am lost and not making it to class on time. Anyway i've been bored as hell and when i do that i watch youtube for everything. like i've been fixated on hair tutorials and makeup tutorials.Well the makeup tutorials are insane cos i never knew people would put on so much junk on their face. I've never heard of an EYE primer and all these tutorial people use these primers. then to them quick and easy makeup is a look that takes 10 mins for each eye. Light makeup= Dramatic makeup. It's just insane. but what i do appreciate is the reviews that they do on the eye products. one thing that i am going to be looking forward to is the vibrating mascara wand by Maybelline. Colossal is AMAZING! I LOVE Clinque Mascara, they are by far one of my faves and my Dior Show mascara isn't too shabby.

Ok i LOVE hair tutorials for some reason, i find whoever does them is incredibly brilliant. i just kinda learnt how to do the Lauren Conrad VMAs braided kinda up-do that sits low. I learnt how to do a french braid the right way on youtube. the lady gaga bow thing too (not that i will ever wear it out) But OMG youtube has talented people. I LOVE IT!

Ok i am sitting on my couch on a saturday afternoon, waiting for the boyfriend to be done with his live firing so that we can head out to watch the fireworks tonight by some park bench to celebrate being a singaporean the kiasu way, BEFORE the actual day. Well national day itself we're gonna be fed to the wolves aka my cousins on my Dad's side. Anyways it's been about 3 weeks since i got back and honestly it's been hard for me to get back into the groove of things. Why? cos of the way Singaporeans, NOT all of them but the way most of them act. Honestly me writing this post might get people saying that i am a disgrace, or a Singaporean who wants to act all angmoh or that kinda bullshit cos I've been away for just a couple of months i think i am up there. LIKE I've said before, I DON'T GIVE A HOOT. well here's the thing, u can either love me for saying stuff that we all feel but never said it out loud OR you can call me a hypocrite or whatever u wanna call me. So here is goes

Well if you tell people who are not that well traveled or they haven't read up about this country of ours they WILL NOT or DO NOT have any knowledge of this land we call home. YES I SAID IT HOME. I do regard Singapore as my home. And when I am away from HOME am very proud to tell people about what our country is like. The superior transport system, the wonderful air conditioning almost everywhere we go. The food, the lack of a distinct culture, the cosmopolitan lifestyle that we have, the ever changing landscape. You know all that kind of good stuff. It alleviates the mindset of theirs that Singapore is in China or that all we do is whip people and fine them for every single thing possible. which is partially true, we cane people which is rather primitive and we fine people for almost every single thing possible. With very very good reason i must add. Chewing Gum, we love that damn thing but don't we hate it when it gets under our favorite pair of shoes? Well caning i do not agree to. Why whip someone till his butt bleeds? i know he committed a crime and there are consequences but living in a country where people are such busybodies and gossip hungry machines that look, gawk, stare and then their mouth is on overdrive. Isn't that stigma enough torture for one to go through? Think about it. Humiliation is one of the worst things that a person can go through. The offender has to go through the humiliation of being caned with his pants down as if he were a little boy all over again and then deal with the public humiliation he has to go through once he gets out?

OK as much as i love our country, once i landed in Singapore i started seeing stuff that i have come to hate. here is the list of stuff. it isn't many i suppose.

1. We depend on a contractor in yellow boots to tell us to move to the center of the car or to give way to others. Can't we use our common sense and move in by ourselves. Singaporeans are not stupid. We're smart people who tend to act stupid or behave in a stupid manner because we feel that as long as i get into the train, as long as i have a seat. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THE OTHER 20 PEOPLE WAITING FOR THE TRAIN CAN'T GET IN. or how OH I DON'T WANT TO MOVE IN AT ALL COS I AM GETTING OFF 10 STOPS FROM NOW AND I DON'T WANT TO SQUEEZE OUT OR SAY EXCUSE ME. and then there is a bottleneck. then picture this, the train moves off, you're another passenger stuck outside cos u assumed that there was absolutely NO space at all. and then OMG u can fit a whole truckload of people in the middle. Haven't we all gone through that before?
   
   
2. Some of us are selfish bastards who do not want to give up our seats to an old lady/man. That's why we need more boys in the army uniform to board the train cos they have no choice but to give their seat up.I know that we've all been tired after a whole day of school and we just don't wanna give the seat up. but hey we'll live to be their age one day and then we'll have the ability to tap on a youngster's shoulder and go "eh i am at least 30 years older than you, my legs are older. Give me your seat."
   
   
3. We rush for every damn thing, we rush for the train, rush for every damn thing in our lives cos we're trained to do so. When do we ever stop to say thank you, smell the roses, smile a tiny bit more? We don't we rush people through transactions, we rush people to clear a table. We rush people to leave the restaurant with the bill coming at the speed of light when they take forever to take your order.
   
   
4. We have people who are not the smallest size on the face of the earth that decides to lean on the pole in the MRT trains when it isn't a leaning pole but a GRAB POLE. Bottom line, I DON'T WANT TO BE ACCUSED OF MOLESTING YOU WHEN YOUR BUTT IS RIGHT THERE.
   
   
5. How people stare at you. Guys, Girls, guys with their girls, girls with their guys just stare at you cos you don't look like them. Honestly people, do you have to stare at people if they have an ass larger than yours, boobs larger than yours or that they just look different from the person you look at in the mirror every single morning? if i have something on my face that irritates you like tissue stuck to my face, tell me. I'll remove it. But if you don't like my face, then why the fuck are you looking at me? grow up. seriously.
   
   
6. I love how we're trying to be this world class place for everything with huge events such as the F1, Youth Olympics, 2 new IRs and world class names being brought in. But let's face it, can we brush up our standard of English to a world class level? i believe we can do it and that we're working towards it but what's up with the PCK ads everywhere? It's honestly EMBARRASSING to see the tourist being lost and overwhelmed by it all. Thank goodness we have foresight and included subtitles.

We're proud, arrogant, selfish and downright smart asses. This is a short list of stuff i don't like but believe me there is more. I am proud to be a Singaporean. I am a smart ass cos the education system we have here has made us so quick witted to deal with the bullshit that comes our way; through the forums and the papers. We're arrogant cos we can be with our "world class" events that we have and the world-class names we bring in and our superior systems and we boast our standing in the world map. But how about we humble ourselves and get shot down in the face with "Oh is Singapore in China?". "Where is that? I've never heard of it" "what in the world are you trying to say, it sounds like English but i don't get you at all" "why don't you just slow down and say a "thank you"," I'm very sorry", "how you doing"," hey do you need some assistance?"

Honestly is it that hard? come on people we live for ourselves, i agree with that. But life is not about us all the time. We have our own opinions. our own views. U may disagree with me or you may not but whichever it may be, you have yourself a wonderful day.

Archives, months. August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
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